Moms, Mental Health and May
May is Mental Health Awareness month. It’s also the month of Mother’s Day. I’ve been reflecting on how nice it is to have a day where anything you want is possible. I wonder how many moms out there really, truly took that day to do just that. And I wonder if maybe Mental Health Awareness month might be the perfect reminder for moms that they need to put their own well being (lesson from the airline industry re: oxygen) first more than once a year.
As we near the end of May, I have three takeaways for moms that I hope you’ll carry throughout the year:
Self-Care: First, I hope you did whatever you wanted on Mother’s Day! There’s a reason it’s your day. You have permission to do something just for you. Now imagine what it would feel like to bring more Mother’s Days into your year. How often would you like to do that? What would you do with that time? Would you spend it alone, reading? Catching up with friends over coffee? Whatever it is, you can bring that into your life! I encourage you to start small with something that is so easy for you to do that it would feel silly not to.
Maybe that’s spending five minutes in the morning or the evening - or even just once a week - alone with your journal. Keep going until you build up to a full-day meditation or writer’s retreat, or some other full-day experience you’d love.
Maybe it’s reaching out to a different friend by text once a week, building up to a coffee. Make it a commitment to yourself that you will not break. Imagine it becoming a girl’s weekend that turns into an annual event, and make it happen!
Gratitude: A lot is written on the power of gratitude. As a harried mom myself (on occasion!), I can be sucked into the overwhelm and I forget to step back and see all the beauty in my life. Cultivating gratitude makes that beauty more visible. Again, simplicity is key when trying to build a new skill or habit into your life.
Try adding a moment of gratitude to your family dinner conversation. Each family member can share one thing they are grateful for from the day. Sometimes I’ll ask for five things and see how creative the kids can get. Not only does it help me reflect on all the good in my lives, but it’s joy-inducing to see kids from ages five to 18 shine a light into what they value in their worlds.
For longer-term commitment and focus, build a family gratitude jar. Choose something big and beautiful, and place small note cards or paper and pens next to it. Remind the family to add a few things each day that they are grateful for. At the end of the year, dump them out and read through them as a family. This is a great way to reflect on the year and to look forward to the next. I scan or type up everything from the gratitude jar so I can look back on it in years to come. P.S. It’s not cheating to occasionally dip into the gratitude jar during the year and take a peek at what’s been added.
Connection: Being a mom is often exhaustive, solitary work. Whether you’re a natural extrovert or introvert, the grueling work can take its toll. Connecting with others is crucial.
If you’re not part of a mom tribe, find one fast! This can be through an organized mom’s group or a local network of moms you create yourself. I often find my tribe through my kids, which brings me lots of shared experiences, commiserating when it’s needed and advice when it’s wanted. I can also stay connected to my kids lives in a behind-the-scenes way, which is nice, and I’m very lucky to have found moms I relate to through their peers. My best mom pals span all walks of life and all ages. There are groups of mompreneurs, stay at home moms, working moms, active moms, all kinds of moms. Online forums are great, but look for opportunities to connect in real life too.
Stay in touch with friends from your pre-mom days. Even if they’re moms too, these women are special. They knew you before you were known as M.O.M. and they can remind you of who you were, what you were like and what you cared about. Change is natural, inevitable and necessary, but it sure is nice to see your younger, earlier self and remember her convictions, passions and desires. A lot of that is still inside you, waiting to come out at just the right time. Connecting with that part of your life can be fuel when you most need it.
If you’re a mom who wants to focus more on self-care, gratitude, and/or connection, and how that focus will help your kids build important skills of their own, book an info session with me to learn more.
Until then, I wish you all the gifts that come with focusing on you, in May and every other day of the year!